Like almost every woman who saw the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" I fell in love with the romantic notion the plot was built around. The fact that I am a Jamaican woman who came to America at seventeen notwithstanding, the movie at least portrayed a Jamaican family in an upper middle class setting.

I love Terry McMillan's books "Waiting to Exhale" and "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" they are positive and uplifting stories of women fearlessly triumphing in life. Fastforward to today and let's take a look at Stella (Terry) who based her '96 chart topping book on her person life story and you will find a bitter pill to swallow.

According to the story in the July 11th issue of People Magazine, McMillan has filed for divorce charging that the man who helped her 'get her groove back' is deceitful and the marraige itself is based on deceit because he hid from her the fact that he is homosexual. McMillan now claims that Mr. Plummer, who was 20 when they met in Negril, Jamaica, married her for money and the hope of gaining U.S. Citizenship.

All of that is horrific enough to me particularly as I learned recently what 'on the downlow' means at an event where the panel was moderated by Gwen Ifill. I also learned that the number of African American Women with Aids has increased significantly due to the fact they are married to men who practice sex 'on the downlow.' This means having sex with other men without their wife's knowledge. These scoundrels then return home and pass the virus to their unsuspecting wives. The statistics presented by the doctors on the panel were staggering.

Now this man claims that "he didn't know he was homosexual when they got married." According to the article in People Magazine, he also says that she turned on him with 'homophobic' vengeance. Perhaps Ms. McMillan's response was based upon her realization that he might have given her Aids. Or more significantly because he embezzled at least $200,000 from her. In court papers this deceitful scoundrel owns up to taking $62,000 which he calls "a gross error of judgment."

In the words of Ms. McMillan's lawyer "to find out your husband is gay is not the journey Terry packed for." Terry's books have inspired two movies and so she is financially healthy. She has the freedom to recreate her life any way she sees fit. And I agree with her that "women make a lot of investment in husbands and children. We do everything, and a lot of women don't even have their own lives and end up completely dependent on their husbands."

"You're not putting me on an anchor and taking me to the bottom of the ocean with you," says Ms. McMillan. I agree wholeheartedly! This is a woman who clearly is on a new journey to achievement of her new destiny.

Have you heard of this secret lifestyle? Has it affected you or someone you know in any way?